Roxcy and Me--November 23, 1993.
Roxcy at about 18-hours old.
Happy 17th Birthday Roxcy. I love you, very, very, very much and I miss you. You were so beautiful and so perfect. And you were only with us here on earth for 22, very , very, very short days.
Sometimes I wonder who you would be now. After you died, when I saw you in my mind, it was always as a young woman and not as a baby or toddler. But a beautiful teen-ager, tall, thin, with long brown hair and brown eyes. I guess that is who you would be now.
I am considering going to Aidan's grave today.... it has been over a year since I was there... I know it isn't Aidan's birthday. It is Roxcy's and Roxcy was buried in Monterey. I also know that it is only the body and not the spirit that is... there.... I think both of my baby daughters would understand though. I also don't have money to buy flowers, so perhaps I will make some.....and how do I turn a visit to a cemetery in NE ABQ into an adventure for El Jay? As I cry this morning I want to get my sadness out before the boys awake. Grant's therapist says Grant feels he can't share what happened to him with me, because I will cry and he is still trying to protect me.... This is one of those days when I wish I had someone to hold me and share my grief. I don't think I've ever had that in a relationship.